Someone asked me recently how can I pray for someone whose hurt me? I wanted to answer this on this platform as a source of encouragement. There is a lot I can say about this, but here are some key take aways for me.
Here’s something that I remind myself often, when praying for those who’ve hurt me (past/present), and this helps me to be able to let go, fully surrender to God, to be able to forgive and heal. Remember to separate the person and the sinful action(s). Why? Because we war in the spirit in prayer against the sinful action, not the actual person themselves. When we combine the person and sinful action, and “try” to pray we come up against a spiritual wall (no breakthrough).
Luke 17:1 (KJV) Jesus was clear when he said, “it’s impossible but that offenses will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!”
Proverbs 18:19 (AMP) “A brother offended is harder to win over than a fortified city, And contentions [separating families] are like the bars of a castle.”
Jesus wants us to break-through these walls (Joel 2:11-13) (like a fortified city or the bars of a castles prison) around our hearts.
God’s word is the sword of the spirit (Eph 6)- which has the ability to cut down/out demonic strongholds.
Hebrews 4:12 (AMP), “For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
God’s word is truth, “and you will “know” the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32.)
When you separate the person from the sinful action in prayer, several things happen.
1. You realize that their identity isn’t the sinful action or the offense itself. This is especially important if someone asks you to walk besides them and help them with accountability, and in needing prayer from certain strongholds in their life (for example: pornography, which is also destroying their marriage). It gives you the grace to speak life into the person they are, who God created them to be----their identity isn’t (their sin) that they look at porn- their identity is that they are a child of God. They were made in the image of God. When you have those two things separated only then can you truly stand in the gap and war in the spirit on their behalf in that specific area of sin that needs to be cut out completely in their life. The example I gave is also an addiction, so keep that in mind. There are always repercussions/consequences when you live in sin, and honestly the sad truth is, those consequences often affect the ones you love the most.
With that said, your own offense will stop you from experiencing the freedom you so desperately need in your own life, if you can’t surrender it all before the King of Heaven because of what was said or done to you by the said offender. Even if it’s justified on your end. (This is the hard part.) You will remain trapped in the vicious cycle of hurt, bitterness, unforgiveness (which will eat your joy, you will just be miserable), and that adaptation of victim mindset. Be careful. Lord teach us to number our days to gain a heart of wisdom.
2. If you incorporate the sword of the spirit (God’s scriptures) into your prayers in praying against the sinful actions of the one(s) that hurt you, than God’s word has the power to cut the roots of sin out of that person (to do what only God can), and to also cut the strong man’s (stronghold; prison in your mind) place out of their life. It’s all connected. What’s amazing too is when we read and speak God’s word, we find ourselves that God has a way of cutting all the garbage out of us too that does not belong. Growing pains are hard. We must not remain stagnant though.
3. It’s a process. God is with you in the struggle. Even when you can’t see God moving on someones behalf, take courage to know he is so much bigger than any of us, and our messes, everything that is hard to us- doesn’t scare God. He can handle anything that we throw his way. This is where faith arises. God can do far more with your little mustard seed of faith than you can. Just know that the same God who raised Jesus from the grave is the same God who lives in you, and prayer is a powerful weapon we have. We need to enact and use that weapon- to fight our battles the right way.
So arm yourselves dear heart. Let courage be yours for the taking. God is with you mighty warrior. He makes us strong and capabable to put in the hard work that needs to be done from time to time. What you put into it, you will get out of it. You must get up and fight with your hands lifted high in surrender. Put worship music on and change your atmosphere. You are not alone.
-Love E