Jeremiah 29: 11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Dear Military Spouse,
This last week I dropped the ball. I wasn’t intentional with my time and how I spent it. I wasn’t running to the Lord. I wasn’t doing life with Him… well not really. I let myself become consumed by worry. I invited in every distraction possible because I was running. I have to be honest with you. I mean well, and I always have the very best intentions; but when my actions don’t line up with what I tell the Lord, it makes me out to be a liar of sorts. There is a difference between “trying” and “doing.” How many times have I said, “well I’m trying! I really am!” Or is it my own pain that blinds me from the light of the Word of God? Is it my own distractions keeping me from being a woman of my word?
I will say this! I have come very far. I am thankful that I am not in the same place spiritually as I was the years prior. This duty station has taken its toll on me, because it truly has been the hardest place I have ever been- but- I also say; it has been the best place in the sense of- I have grown so much in my walk with the Lord! I have grown as a woman, mother, and wife. This hasn’t been an easy journey. In fact, this has been a very isolating season for me.
I have dreams and desires just like you. I am a planner just like you. This past week I paid a heavy price because I chose to go down all the rabbit holes with a very narrow and hopeless perspective. These are the things I paid for in full… Stress. Worry. Fear. Severe panic attacks. Overeating. Bad coping mechanisms. Anger. Resentment. Bitterness. Depression. Deep Sorrow. Strife. No self-control. Does that list sound worth it to you? Doesn’t that sound like such a wonderful Christmas list? Nope. Not at all. I am guilty. I mess up so much all the time. But you know what? The Lord is gracious, and He is faithful! The Lord loves me just as much as He loves you!
I will not let one bad week, or what has felt like failure declare total defeat over me! Spiritual warfare is very real. It’s funny you know, before this past week I was tracking well with the Lord, and then BOOM! It all happened so quickly, as it does. Any time I start to get serious about pursuing the Lord, there the enemy is! He always knows where to find my vulnerable/weak spots to slide his way in. It’s typically when I am tired and haven’t run to the Lord first thing. My biggest regret though for this last week was not turning things around much sooner.
I want to encourage you, because this being a military spouse is not for the faint of heart. There will always be many unknowns. And it sucks. There is no way around it, and no other way to say it. It’s really hard some days. This last week I just felt so done. I was done with dreaming because what’s the point? I felt like everything I wanted in life for me, and my family just got pushed further and further out of reach. I felt so discouraged. I felt like I couldn’t write anymore. I felt like my purpose was disappearing. I over indulged looking at everyone else’s life on social media and fell into that trap of comparing. Well, so and so- they have a house… they bought it! Well, so and so they have this, that, and the other! Well, so and so they have a ministry and are thriving, and they also work on staff in a church and are doing the things – and of course, these are all things my heart desires. It’s hard. It’s hard to have desires or dreams or to not question- well what was the point of everything? Of this?
It's hard when you know you will be moving again, and you have no answers. You can’t plan with all your children in tote- literally anything. I am glad I am homeschooling because at least we have that… the one constant. The idea of starting all over again- let’s just say this last week it really got me down big time.
So, I just want you to know…. It’s okay to have a moment. It’s ok to get upset. It’s ok to just lose it sometimes. We are all human. BUT, with that said… what is not ok- child of God, is that you remain in the turmoil. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. You will pay such a heavy price and nothing in all the world is worth you losing your peace, joy, and security in the Lord. Nothing whatsoever!
Like the scripture says and let this sink in. Jeremiah 29: 11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” My charge to you-fellow spouse- CHOOSE to trust the Lord. We don’t have all the answers and we never will! That’s just the reality of our situation. But do you know who does have all the answers? Yes! You guessed it! Papa God! He loves you, He’s for you- and He is not done writing your story. He’s not forgotten about you, or your dreams. He cares about what is important to you.
When you are waiting, wait with expectation. Wait intentionally, in His presence. Let the Holy Spirit have his way in you. He is speaking but so often we don’t hear because we have not removed the distractions. Maybe you need to fast social media. Maybe you need to cut some stuff out of your life. Im waving my hand to all of this for myself. Your purpose is great because you are His, and the Lord is protective of what is His, and He will use you even in this season of isolation, and what feels at times so painful. He will open the doors that need to be opened. He will do the things that only He can, but we must trust Him, even in the waiting.
Do not fear. Do not be discouraged. You are right where you need to be. Embrace all the hard things with everything you are. Do not run from them. Embrace those things knowing who it is who sustains you and helps you so that you do not carry the weight of the burden alone. Rise up mighty warrior. Don’t forget who you are in Jesus. Remind yourself today who you are! You are a child of the King, and you have power and authority to do mighty things in Him. He is for you.
All my love- E