It’s hard to be strong for your children when they’re hero dad is about to leave for a long period of time.
It’s hard to be both mom and dad by yourself.
It’s hard to keep doing everything like you normally would for the kids' sake when all you want to do is crumble in a ball, cry, turn off all the lights, and not leave your bed.
It’s hard to be in the moment for your children, to enjoy them, to give them what they need when you feel like the air has been snatched right out from under you.
It’s hard to function.
It’s hard to choose the healthier routes to cope, when all you want to do is make the poorer choices because they sound better.
It’s hard to do the simple things, like shower and take care of yourself in the most basic of ways… it’s easy to feel paralyzed.
It’s hard to not distract yourself with a screen of some sort. It’s hard to reach out.
It’s hard when you have absolutely no choice in the matter.
This is the raw truth of my situation, and what I know so many other incredible brave mil spouses go through as well. A scripture comes to mind, in Psalm 40:1-3 MSG it says, “I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn’t slip. He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise-song to our God. More and more people are seeing this: they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God.” In fact this whole chapter is quite amazing!
We cannot run from suffering no matter how much we may try. I am choosing this day to embrace it. To endure it. I will stand in the middle of the fear. I will look it in it’s face, and even though fear might seem like the bigger opponent at times and even though I may feel it, it will not consume me! It will not take over and reside in the most secret place. NO. That place is reserved for someone who is BIGGER and more POWERFUL than anything on this planet, than any spiritual darkness of any form. My Beloved is mine and I am His. His name is Jesus. You will make beauty from these ashes.
Jesus said, “Come to me and I will give you rest.” So here I am running, running with every fiber of who I am to your feet. I am reminded that one moment with you Jesus is better than a 1,000 other moments elsewhere. Use this broken heart Jesus. All for your glory.
Military Spouse you are not alone. You are brave, capable, fully loved and known by the Heavenly Father.